The Solo Road Trip

Driving from Cleveland to upstate NY is not a fun drive. It's boring, but easy. You just hop on I-90 and head east. Normally (before kids) it would take Chad and I about 4 hours to do this drive back home to see our families. Last week I did it by myself with both the kids. Here's how it went........
I packed up everything I could the night before to make life easier in the AM. Cameryn woke up at 5:30 am (of course) so I decided to feed and bathe her immediately so she would smell good for her grandparents. Next, Ian woke up so I threw him in the shower with Chad before he left for work so that he would also smell good. The next few hours were a blur as I tried to get myself showered, dressed, and ran around packing up last minute things. I tried to stuff a HUGE breakfast into Cameryn hoping it would help her sleep for as much of the trip as possible. Finally, after packing everything into the car, locking both kids into their car seats, and going back into the house twice to grab something I forgot, we were on the road. It was 9:33 am. But first, I needed coffee! I did NOT want to get the kids out of the car so I drove to McDonald's because they have a drive thru here in Lakewood. Of course that morning at the precise time I swerved into the parking lot, the drive-thru was blocked off by a delivery van. Great....I tried to think fast. Dunkin Donuts..of course! They also had a drive thru so I back tracked and grabbed a LARGE ice coffee so keep myself awake until reaching good old upstate NY. The drive started out fine. I chit chatted with my friend (I know driving while using the cell phone is bad....) until we were well outside of the city. Then I scanned the radio trying to find something to listen to besides the script of Toy Story which Ian was gazing at in the back. (Side note: BEST INVENTION EVER....portable DVD players for the car. My childhood would have been A LOT better if we had had one on long family car trips.) I wasn't having any luck finding something to listen to so I kept hitting scan. My resentment towards Chad (who had the chord for the IPOD in his car) was growing. Without that chord I was at the mercy of the radio. As we approached the Ohio/Pennsylvania border I contemplated stopping for gas. There is an exit near Ashtabula which is famous in our family because it always has the best gas prices. Even though Cam was sleeping peacefully and Ian was staring at the movie like a crack addict, I decided to risk stopping. I needed to get gas sometime...why not do it now while it was cheap and my tank wasn't on E. The stop was a quickie....and soon we were back on the road. For the next 40 minutes or so things started to deteriorate. Cam started to fuss. Probably because the sun was beating on her face because I forgot to put the baby window shade on. Ian's movie was over and he wanted to watch another one. And I...well I HAD to go to the bathroom. Right about then was when I was starting to regret the purchase at Dunkin' Donuts. So I decided to stop in Erie where Ian could eat, I could pee, and Cam could have a bottle. I pulled into a McDonald's parking lot and tried to strategize how I was going to do all of this by myself. I decided to just lug Cam in her detachable baby car seat and prayed that Ian would actually listen to me today. The bathroom was the first stop or else I was going to embarrass myself. I waited until the handicapped stall was open and herded everyone in. As much as I love my children I really miss the days when I could go to the bathroom by myself. Ian declares that he needs to go first and does so quickly. He was fascinated with the self-flushing toilet asking me a billion questions about how it worked. Next, it was my turn. As I pulled down my pants the inquisition from my ever curious 3 year old son started. "Mommy?"
"Yes, Ian."
"Why are you sitting?"
"Because that's how I go potty buddy. Remember we have talked about this before."
"Oh yeah. Mommy you have a gina?" (Ian speak for vagina). And remember we are in a public bathroom so EVERYONE can hear us.
"Yes, honny. I do."
"Mom...you goin poop?"
"No buddy. I'm not"
"Mom, you goin to wipe?"
"Yes I am".
"Can I flush your potty?"
"No buddy. I don't need you to." By now I was pretty much embarrassed because I heard other patrons chuckling and I just wanted to get back on the road. I didn't have the energy to explain the whole sensor toilet thing to Ian. I tried to distract him by asking me to help with Cam because now she needed to get changed. Finally we got out of the stall and it was time to wash hands. If I thought he was fascinated with the toilet I had underestimated the power of the automatic hand dryer! Next...time to feed everyone. Ian was easy....kids meal with chicken nuggets. I sat down with Cam and gave her a bottle while I stared longingly at my own lunch. I encouraged Ian to eat quickly which is a struggle for him. I swear no one in the world can linger over a meal like him. After numerous prompts on my part I realized that I was getting no where with Ian and decided he could finish eating in the car. Without stopping to get into a debate with him I swooped everyone up and got them back in the car. Swoop is a strong word here. It was actually pain staking but for the sake of this post I am trying to move things along.
When we were finally back on the road again it was about noon. I sighed heavily. I was hoping to at least be in NY at this time. No such luck. I switched Ian's movie to Finding Nemo and pulled back onto the highway. I know I mentioned earlier that portable DVD players are a great thing...but they are not perfect. If they were perfect 3 year olds would not be able to so easily kick the chord loose so that they would lose power. Two of these "accidents" which Ian labels any incident that it totally his fault but won't admit to, occurred over the next hour. I had to stop both times to connect the chord and restart his movie. Each stop caused Cameryn to stir from a restless sleep to a semi-conscious state. I was losing time and I knew I wasn't going to make it to Clifton Springs without a total melt down from her. Sure enough right around the Batavia Exit on the NY State Thruway the "melting" started. Cam was now awake and started to whimper. Then she started to cry. Then she started to scream. I reached into the supply of pacifiers I had in my purse and stretched more than I thought was possible backwards to put it into her mouth. Silence would ensue for about 3 minutes and then she would start screaming again. I methodically went through 5 different pacifiers before finally giving up. Cam continued to cry, Ian was now complaining, and I was about ready to lose it. It was about 2:15. I was just about at good old exit 43...the finish line. I decided to just keep going. I rolled the windows down, turned the radio up, and kept driving as fast as I could until I was off the thruway and on route 96. At 2:30 I rolled into my parent's driveway and I put the car into park. We had made it....6 hours later....but we made it. I was exhausted, grumpy, and now I had to go inside and deal with my parents. Why was I doing this again...oh yeah...the kids were going to stay in NY for a whole week so Chad and I could have a week alone in Ohio. Totally worth it!